


Honesty x From x Funerals

by fragilesoftmachines



Series: Future x And x Advent [6]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: F/M, Mentions of Genocide and Trauma, Sexual Content, Trans Characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-02
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 14:56:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2392463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilesoftmachines/pseuds/fragilesoftmachines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One of Kurapika's journeys has reached its end.</p><p>Leorio receives the second unexpected call in a week.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Around her was red.

Sunset red, dust red, dried marks on walls brown and black now but bearing the memory of red.

Biologically-preserved red.

Red in tubes.

Red on knuckles.

The earth would not move for her. All around her were silent witnesses, seeing how she failed them at the last.

She knelt and tore at dirt with her fingertips, willing it to break open. The world would not oblige, had never obliged her when it came to this. 

Around her were a ring of ghosts. 

A ring of ghosts that blocked the witnesses from her sight. Shadows of cruelty she had barely been able to comprehend when she had strung them on the chain that reached from her hand went through each of them, a spiral that terminated in the chest of some mammoth shadow-form she could swear she saw smile at her.

She grabbed up the shovel again, ignoring red on her hands, the ghosts dissolving around her to be replaced with night. The earth began to move for her.

The red of sunset became the blue-black of night, of the bruises on her palms from how tight she held the shovel. Dirt piled up all around, the earth open deep enough that the silent witnesses did not fix her with their unending glares.

There was a scraping noise, a jarring feeling in her arms, and the shovel fell from her grasp. The moon was high, looking down to replace the witnesses.

She hadn't been there to witness. She hadn't been there to die with them.

Around her was earth, but when she reached to take up the shovel once more her body would not oblige.

There in a cradle of earth she wept, out of the sight of a clan of witnesses. The moon looked on as she tried again and again to summon strength enough to move the earth again. No strength came.

As the moon sailed over, her hands found tasks they could perform. A phone withdrawn from a pocket, a number dialled.

Around her was the quiet of the air as she waited to hear his voice.


	2. Chapter 2

It was two in the morning when she called.

He hadn't thought a great deal of that, to be honest – enough medical emergencies and your body learns to wake up to the sound of a phone. He was certainly grumpy about it though, and planned to let whoever was calling know as much. When he picked up the phone, there was a hush on the other end. Strange; usually the moment he picked up some nervous student launched into a panicked explanation of the problem. He gave whoever it was a few seconds to speak up. The line remained quiet. A little unnerved, he asked “Who is this?”

“...Leorio?” Kurapika's voice cracked as she said his name, and she choked back a sob.

It was as though he had walked in to a crowded emergency ward. His voice took charge, and began the triage process. The questions first: where are you, Kurapika? Are you injured? Is someone else injured? Her breathing was sharp and uneven as she struggled to find the words to answer him. He found his free hand reaching out as he walked into the kitchen, grabbing the back of a chair tight enough to make the wood creak and bend. “Oi, Kurapika, please tell me,” he asked, trying a calm and fatherly tone this time.

“I need to- I have to, um, bury them.”

“Bury? Kurapika, who's hurt? Did the Phantom Troupe come after you? Kurapika?”

“No, nobody's hurt, I'm alone I just.

“The eyes, Leorio.”

The wood began to crack in his grip. The way she said “eyes” was enough to tell him everything. But she kept talking.

“I tried … to keep diging. But I couldn't lift the shovel anymore. I couldn't do anything. Why? Why is it... after everything... why is it now that I lose my strength?”

Shaking splinters from his hand, Leorio began to move almost automatically. He kept talking, soft and low, telling Kurapika he was going to be there soon, every sob a lancet-sharp strike to his heart. Within a matter of minutes, he was in his car and breaking every speed limit he could, one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding his phone like a tether that could hold Kurapika there, telling her he wouldn't be long. Eventually her crying was so loud, so painful, that in between sobs she told Leorio she would wait for him, and hung up.

As he drove recklessly fast through the dark, he realised: this was the first time, in all his years of worrying about his friends, that one of them had come to him directly for a problem. Even Gon had taken a roundabout way of asking about... whatever it was he wanted to ask about. The thought made him push harder on the pedal, as he shot off into the night.

***

Leorio had smoothed the dirt over in silence – Kurapika's wails had diminished slowly until finally she had fallen asleep, slumped uncomfortably against a chunk of ruined stone wall. When he was done he stared into the sunrise-reddened sky, and wiped a sleeve against his face. Just to wipe away the sweat of course. If anyone was around to suggest that he had been crying he would have denied it in his loudest voice. But there were no eyes to stare at the ruins of the Kurta village anymore. So instead, he picked Kurapika up and carried her back to the car.

She slept for the rest of the day, and most of the night. Leorio busied himself with paperwork for the new clinic. Or at least tried to: he spent more time sititng over her bed, changing the damp cloth on her forehead or taking her temperature. After a lunch of 3-minute noodles and some tea, he dragged a chair into the room and sat watching her sleep. Every now and then he'd finish another page of work, or nap for a little while.

It was 1am when she woke up, and by then Leorio was out like a light. Her eyes peeled open slowly, stiffly, into what could have been daylight. She sat up, and realised it was just the lamp. Leorio was sprawled against his chair with limbs askew, mouth open wide and snoring. He had probably fallen asleep without even thinking about it. She wanted to laugh fondly but her throat felt like it had been stoppered. She wanted to keep crying, but her eyes throbbed with how dry they were. So instead, she sat there in the bed and watched him sleep for a while. Until his foot slid off the coffee table and smacked – hard – against the wooden floor. He nearly leapt up from the chair as he woke swearing, and this time Kurapika did laugh. Her voice was a dusty, thin thing now, but it caught Leorio's attention.

“Oh, you're awake. How are you feeling?” he tried to act nonchalant, a task not easily accomplished with one sore foot raised like a flamingo.

“Okay” she tried to say, but it came out more like a squeak

“Hold on, I'll get you some water,” he said, and hobbled gently out into the kitchen.

Once she was hydrated enough to use actual words (and Leorio had rubbed his foot until the tingling pain went away), she felt ready to ask about the funeral. As she began with “So, Leorio-” he cut her off with a raised hand.

“I haven't had a proper dinner, so we're going to need some food before we have a serious conversation.” Her own stomach growled at the mention of a meal. She had a feeling Leorio probably wasn't worried about his own hunger, but she kept the thought as a thin and secret smile while the two of them went outside to find a diner open at this hour.

***

Full of cheap pancakes and overcooked bacon, but warmed to the core against the chill of the late November night, they walked back to Leorio's apartment. Just before he unlocked the main door, Leorio distracted Kurapika from the same thoughts that had been running through her mind since she returned with the final pairs of eyes.

“Kurapika, look – snow”  
She tilted her head up from the pavement, to see just a few flakes drifting in the air around them. Further down the road, the veil of white was thicker, and beginning to alight upon the sidewalks as something other than tiny wet dots. She breathed in deep, and remembered someone's words about the smell of snow: _compliance, forgiveness, grace_ – but couldn't remember where she'd heard it.

The two of them stood there for a little while, pinpricks of white settling on their shoulders, until at last they went inside to warm up.

***

She hadn't even taken her coat off when she asked, “Are they all buried, now?” It surprised her that her voice was so steady, that the tears didn't feel ready to spill out again. More surprising was Leorio's response. Before she realised he was moving toward her, he was there and hugging her tight. She'd never expected his body to be so warm, but she'd never been in quite this proximity to him. One hand stroked her hair, and he whispered gruffly that yes, they were all laid to rest, and so it was her turn to take it easy now.

The final surprise is when she finds herself kissing him – this is the wrong way to go about things, she knows that. She shouldn't just take what she wants from someone who has already helped her so much. And part of her wonders if this is what she wants at all, and why it is that she called Leorio in the first place. Another part answers: _we are wounded, aching so badly our heart could not survive it, and there are so few who could help put us back together again._

She could have called Melody. Melody, who was patient and understanding and kind, whose music could be a balm. But she knows she couldn't have survived that kind of succour, not in the midst of the debilitating cold in her own heart. She needed loud voices, she needed pressure and heat to keep her moving, not a calm that could spell her doom. She needed to take her wounds and fill them with salt.

And Leorio was all salt – there was the taste of it on his lips from their meal, and then the individual taste of his mouth. He was fire and passion at his core, and he understood loss enough to be trusted with her (heart?) grief. They were unalike in many ways, but that was better. The jagged pieces seemed to fit together as she kissed him, the jagged ends of his ribs pressing against her hipbones.

The surprise wasn't that she had kissed him – she'd known what she was doing on some level, had expected a brief taste and then to be pushed away, turned down gently. The surprise was that he was pulling her closer, running both hands through her hair, kissing her back. Leorio was covering her: a shield of fire against the ice, and salt on her snow.

***

In the aftermath, they were both sweat-soaked and flushed. Somehow Leorio's socks had stayed on, and when Kurapika tried to lace her icy feet around his, she felt the cotton and started laughing. He tried not to scowl, but apparently he failed because she laughed all the harder. He grumbled something about her bad circulation, but she just curled in against him and sighed contentedly. It seemed like, for at least a few moments, he'd helped her forget the pain. At least he'd been able to do that, after all the times she'd helped him focus on what really mattered.

Things were quiet for a little while, and soon Leorio found himself thinking about the kiss. How long had he been waiting for that, without really knowing he was waiting for anything? Maybe more importantly, was that what he had been waiting for, or was it just part of her grief? He closed his eyes and tried to will those thoughts away. Whatever any of this was, it was too soon to start trying to sort that out. Let Kurapika fall asleep first, let her have a chance to really rest.

His eyes flicked open when an icy cold finger ( _does she just not retain heat? Do I need to put her in a hot bath before I can just fucking cuddle her?_ ) began tracing along one of the surgical scars, thin and near-invisible, that stretched across the underside of his chest.

“Hey.”

He pulled his head back and looked at Kurapika. She had a knuckle pressed against her teeth and she wouldn't meet his gaze.

“What is it, Kurapika?”

“I'm sorry I've asked you to do so much for me. Thank you.”

His tone was warm and loving as he said, “Come on, after all we've been through? You know I'm here for... whatever you need.” He didn't expect her to lean up and kiss him one more time, lightly, before murmuring “Thank you” again. He was definitely not blushing about that. Which was why he pulled her closer and kept her warm enough to sleep.

***

In the morning, as the two untangled themselves and stretched out sore joints, Leorio found it was his turn to be surprised.

The first surprise was Kurapika, still naked, pulling herself onto his lap. The second was a kiss at once more forceful and tender than any of the ones she'd given him the night before. The third was a question:

“Leorio, do you want to buy a house with me?”


	3. Chapter 3

Leorio liked to think that over the past few years he had become a better man – one who could own up to his mistakes. He could face people and admit he had done something wrong, without backing away or angrily shifting the blame.

He realised almost immediately, looking at Kurapika lying dazed and naked on the floor, that as long as she never mentioned this to anyone, he was taking this to the grave.

“S-Sorry,” he didn't move from his weird, splayed stance as he asked her, “Are you ok?”

She stared blankly up at him for a second or two before a wave of emotions ran across her face – uncertainty, embarrassment, anger, _fury_.  “What the hell, Leorio!? If you don't like the idea that's fine, but you don't need to SCREAM AND THROW ME ACROSS THE ROOM!” She had risen to a seated position as she yelled. Leorio's arms, meanwhile, hand lowered from their scarecrow-like posture until his hands covered his head as though he were expecting her to strike him on the skull despite her current posture.

“I'm really sorry, I just... got really surprised, and stood up.”

“Oh, really.” Not a question, and by the way she swung her head away from him, the end of the conversation. She stamped to her feet and grabbed a sheet to wrap around herself.  Back to him, she muttered,  “Stupid question to ask you anyway. 'm gonna take a shower,”  before  she  stormed out of the room, door slamming behind her.

Leorio stood there a little while, staring at the closed door. He could hear the taps being turned through the walls, and the rush of water into the shower cubicle changing as Kurapika stepped inside. He sat back down on the bed. He considered that he had probably fucked up badly enough just then that she might vanish again.

In the space of thirty hours, he'd managed to hear from her for the first time in two years, help her bury her family, and then they'd finally acted on – on whatever it was that had been simmering between them since those first days of the Hunter Exam. After knowing her for so long, he could be reasonably sure that he wouldn't get to find out why she'd asked that question, and that she would avoid him, probably for years on end.

Like hell he was going to sit on his bed and let that happen. Not after he'd finally started to admit to himself what he'd been waiting for all this time. Not after he finally had the opportunity to really talk to her about what it was they felt for each other. Especially not so soon after both Gon and Killua had also made contact again.

For months he'd been organising permits, purchases, and meetings, all to build a clinic where he could help people as much as possible, because he was tired of watching people lose the ones they cared about.

So to hell with it. He wasn't going to lose Kurapika again. He stood, and had the door open before remembering that there was a very large window at one end of his apartment's hallway that neighbours could see through. He put a pair of boxer shorts on, and returned to storming out into the hallway to slam his fists against the bathroom door and shout “KURAPIKA! Open this door!”

There wasn't even a change in the sound from the shower, just Kurapika shouting back, “Go away! Just leave me alone!”

“Not until you talk to me,” he countered, “And let me apologise for upsetting you!”

“I don't want your apology,” came her yelled reply from the bathroom, “I want you to drop it and go away!”

He stepped back from the door, rubbed the bridge of his nose, and decided to apologise anyway. “I'm not going anywhere, and I'm sorry that I threw you off me like that! I was honestly just surprised by what you said, and I wasn't thinking! Please,” he added in a voice that he couldn't be sure would carry through the door, “I just want to talk about what you said.”

There was nothing but the sound of a shower on the other side of the door, so he sat on the floor, back against the door, and waited.

He wasn't sure how long he waited for the sound of the taps turning off – his building had a really good hot water system, and so far he'd never managed to use it all up in a single shower. Everything stayed quiet for a little longer after the running water stopped. He didn't say anything, but he did stand up so that he could be facing the door when she opened it.

“Leorio,” her voice was barely audible from inside the room, “Where do you keep the towels?”

He tried really hard not to smile, but instead answered that he'd get her one. The cupboard was next to the door, so he quickly picked out the softest towel he had and knocked on the door. It opened just enough for a hand to reach out for Leorio to deposit the towel into. Once the hand darted back in, and the door shut again, he rested his head against it and started talking.

“Listen, Kurapika. I know what you're probably thinking: that I was only interested in sex, that I'm the same useless horny asshole I always was. That I stood up like that because the idea of actually caring about you was awful, or because I hated you.” No response from behind the door. “I'm right, aren't I? I'm sorry I even made you think that for a second. Can we just talk, face-to-face, about it?”

“No.”

“Why the hell not!?” he yelled at the door, “I'm out here trying to bare my soul to you and you won't even look me in the eye? Now who's being unfair!?”

 

Inside the bathroom, Kurapika leaned back against the sink and crossed her arms. She kept quiet for a little, kneading her biceps and staring a hole in the floor.   
Leorio was right that she'd been unfair, but it wasn't because she wouldn't let him into the bathroom with her.

"Kurapika, please just talk to me."

She made a noise part sob and part gasp. The tears she'd been holding at bay since she'd found herself on the bedroom floor came closer than ever to getting out.  "What the hell, Leorio? Just make up your mind - either be cruel or kind!" she'd shouted back before even realising she'd opened her mouth. There wasn't an immediate reply, so her mouth kept moving ahead of her. "I just buried everyone I grew up with, everyone I loved as a kid! And I was weak for a moment, okay? I just wanted a chance to find a home again, have someone to love again. But it's fine, you made your feelings clear already, I don't mind if you don't-" just in time, she shut her mouth. She'd almost let her guard down again, let her weakness show.

She took a deep, shuddering breath, and pulled her towel tighter in preparation for the escape she'd have to make sooner or later.

And then Leorio's voice came through the door like a thunderclap: "Kurapika, I have been in love with you since that first night when we stopped Gon from getting himself killed! If you want to get a house together I'd spend every cent I have, and... and even if we don't find a house, you can make your home right here in my arms!"

 

He realised his hands were trembling as he stood there, waiting for any kind of response. Even if she told him to go to hell, at least he'd finally said it.   
When she finally spoke, he almost collapsed with relief at the amusement in her voice. "That was the most embarrassing thing I've ever heard anyone say."

He laughed a little at that. " Sorry , I'm a doctor, not a poet."

" No,  I'm sorry – that  I asked you such a big question so suddenly," she said, and the door began to open. She looked at him,  and for the first time  he saw grey and scarlet together.  Her eyes looked as bloodshot as his probably were.  She gave him a half-smile, opened the door all the way, and stepped into the hallway with him. 

He rested a hand on her shoulder as she continued, “If... I mean, if it's too soon to talk about living together, that's okay. I wasn't thinking clearly. I just – you know that you were the only one, right? The only one, no matter how long I'd been gone from you, who never gave up on me.” She reached up and placed her hand over his, and he was a little relieved that they were both trembling (but also – how was her hand _already_ cold after a hot shower? He could still see the steam!)

“Kurapika, I'm not ever going to give up, not on you. I don't care who else gives up, okay? But maybe we should  give things some time. I'd be happy to get a house together, but I want you to be sure it's something you want, not something your grief is telling you to want. Okay?”

“Yeah.” Her eyes flicked to his lips and back. “Leorio, can- can I kiss you?”

He laughed that soft and gentle laugh that he now recognised was for her alone. “You're embarrassed to ask that, after last night? Of course you can.” And then her lips were pressing against his. Where the first kiss of the morning had been forceful and tender, this set his lips tingling with a sense of need. He opened his eyes to see Kurapika, staring at him with that same need. Then they were on each other again, Kurapika pressing Leorio up against the wall of the hallway, sucking on the side of his neck while he panted and tried to convince himself that the fact that the neighbours could see mattered.

One of her hands flicked against a nipple, and he arched his body towards hers. He took hold of that hand, and guided it down, whispering “Kurapika, can you please -” before she kissed him on the lips again and asked “Are you sure?”

His grip changed to just two of her fingers and brought them to the fly of his boxers. “Please.”

She grinned at him, and then her hand was inside his boxers, her fingers were inside him, and he was moaning loud enough for the neighbours to hear.


	4. Chapter 4

At some point, they'd stumbled back into Leorio's room, and now they curled up together on the bed, quiet in the afterglow. Leorio stretched a little and pressed back against Kurapika, enjoying the feeling of her arms around his chest and her dick, still hard, pressing against his back. She hummed happily, and rubbed the tip of her nose against the back of his head.

They stayed like that, and listened to the muffled sounds of cars and pedestrians moving through the cold, bright day outside.

After a while, one of Kurapika's hands started playing with Leorio's hair. The feeling of her nails gliding along his scalp was almost as good at what she'd done with her hands earlier, so he sighed happily and leaned his head so more hair was exposed for her to run her fingers through.

"Hey, Leorio," her voice was so quiet he almost tuned it out.

"Yeah?"

"Can I ... can I just talk, for a little?" her hand paused against the back of his head. He put a hand to his chest, covering Kurapika's other hand resting there, and massaged her fingers.

"Of course you can. I'm all ears."

She didn't say anything for a while - just kept playing with his hair. He pulled the arm across his chest a little tighter, offering as much contact as she needed to feel safe for whatever it was she wanted to talk about.

"Okay, this is scarier than I thought," she said, and Leorio felt her hand clench against his ribs. He rubbed the back of her hand until her grip loosened, and her breathing was calmer.

"Take your time, Kurapika."

"If I wait too long, I'll just get scared and run away. Leorio. I-" her voice caught, and when she spoke again it was almost a whisper. "I love you."

"I love you too," he murmured, and squeezed her hand.

"Thank you. God, I'm sorry I'm such a weakling when it comes to this stuff. I want to apologise for so much. For walking away from you and Gon and Killua after all you did to help me. For not coming to help you with Gon when he was... after the Chimera Ants. For always running away. It was unfair for me to keep doing that, when you never kept giving up on me, and kept trying to help," she had her face pressed against the back of his shoulder, and Leorio should feel the heat of her tears.

Slowly, he turned around in the bed, putting both arms around her and bringing her against his chest. "Kurapika, you don't need to apologise. You went through something more horrible than most people ever have to deal with, and you had to do it all alone. It's okay that you needed to run away from people sometimes. It's okay that you couldn't handle everything." He lifted one of her hands to his lips, and kissed the knuckles. She was shaking against him, trying and failing to hold in tears. He was glad she trusted him enough to fail at that for once.

"I understand why you feel bad. I do, Kurapika," he added when she sniffled and pulled away a little. "I don't know how it must feel – I can't imagine going what through you went through. But I am a doctor, remember? We learn about what trauma does to the body, and to the mind. I bet it felt like something was wrong, when you thought about how there were new people in your life who cared about you? Who you cared about?"

She nodded, and leaned her head against his chest again. "Like something was wrong with me. Like I'd betrayed my people."

"You never betrayed them, Kurapika. You're not betraying them by letting yourself love someone. You are the most faithful daughter of the Kurta, and I am sure they're thankful for the funeral you gave them."

His words pushed her over the edge, and she began to wail, her face pressed firmly into Leorio's bare chest. He held her until the tears abated and she had calmed down, stroking her back at a measured pace. He remained curled around her even after she had gone quiet, knowing that even with the bursts of energy her libido had given her, her body couldn't hold off the exhaustion it was experiencing.

 

Just after the voices of a group of students arguing about some theory or other passed by the window, one of Kurapika's hands uncurled from its balled-up position against Leorio's chest, and slid up his neck to stroke his cheek.

“Hi,” he said, tilting to kiss her palm. She guided his face back towards her own, stretching up to kiss him softly.

“Hi.”

“So. Do you still want to buy a house?”

She laughed in a brief, tired way, and pushed his face away from hers. He grinned and pulled her towards him, angling his head in to kiss along her neck. She stretched her neck out beneath his kisses and sighed happily. Between kisses, he added “Because I like the idea a lot.”

“I think,” she responded, guiding his mouth back to hers for a moment, and then breaking the kiss to look him in the eyes, “That I want to, but maybe we should give it some time to see whether, you know – whether this is going to work.”

“You mean it's not normal to fuck, scream at each other, and fuck again?” he asked with a smirk. This time she grabbed a pillow and pushed it into his face, though when she heard his laugh muffled through the pillow she started laughing herself.

Once he pulled the pillow off his face, he said, “Okay, so we don't buy a house just yet. How about we decide whether or not to buy one on the day that my clinic opens?” Looking into his eyes, Kurapika realised this was one of those rare moments where his habitual walls of bluster and bravado really came down. There was a glint in Leorio's eyes that she would bet was present in her own – they were both a little terrified that the other would call it off at this delicate moment, and that the tenuous beginning they'd made wouldn't survive.

So she said, “It's a deal,” and sealed it with a kiss.

“Good. Now,” he said, fingers drifting to his chest, and the dried tears and mucus there, “Can we go have a shower? And get some lunch? Being in bed is nice, but I'm _really_ hungry. And a bit sticky.”

She rolled her eyes, and kissed him again. Then had to admit she was hungry enough walk back to that diner naked if she had to, so they both got up and headed for the bathroom.


End file.
